A Jar of Gratitude and Joy!

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Day 115

I have been ‘posting’ butterfly notes into my Gratitude Jar for a few months now and it’s getting quite full.

Today, after a week of being unwell, I needed a little perking up. So I took a sneak peak at the contents of my jar. After fifteen minutes I was feeling pretty awesome! I was surprised at how quickly I had forgotten some of the fantastic things I have achieved, and some of the equally awesome things that have happened over the past few months.

Reading through my notes was a bit like looking through a stack of precious photos…you can’t help but remember the stories and the feelings you had on the day or in that moment in time.

I have a large jar that I bought at the $2 Shop and I decorated it with butterflies, red hearts and ribbons. Then I cut out a few purple and pink post it note pads in the shape of butterflies. I keep them next to my jar on my book shelf with some sharpie pens ready for the next ‘instalment’!

The plus for me is that the small shape of the butterfly keeps my note short and to the point. It also encourages me to document my achievements and experiences because I know it will only take me 15 seconds. Once I have written down my experience or achievement, I pop it into the jar. I’m saving them for a moment with my husband on New Years Eve when, over a glass of champagne, I can read the contents of my gratitude jar and look back on all of the wonderful moments and achievements of 2014.

Sometimes though, it’s great to have a sneak peak. It helps clarify what you want to write and record. What makes your heart sing, or burst with pride? What fills you with warmth and joy? What gives you an utter sense of love and pure bliss?

Today, when I was feeling a little tired and vulnerable, (and to be honest a bit cranky and frustrated that I am still unwell), taking the time to meander through some brightly coloured butterfly notes was…well a bubble of joy. It reminded me to be grateful. And excited. I am living an extraordinary life.

How are your gratitude or happiness jars going? Are you writing all of your amazing achievements down? Perhaps you have a bucket list jar instead and each time you achieve one of your dreams on your list you write that down and pop it into your jar. Perhaps you have had a few sneak peaks, or perhaps you are saving it all up for a special date.

Or maybe it’s time to finally set up your gratitude/happiness/ bucket list jar…it’s not too late!

“May you live every day of your life.” 
― Jonathan Swift

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Gala Darling Challenge #6

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“Write a list of things that you appreciate right now, in the present moment. Focus on each of them & let the love inside you well up. Even when things appear to be going really, really badly, there are always things to be happy about.”Gala Darling 100 Things to Do When You’re Upset (The Sad Trombone List)

I love this challenge. It’s a great way to focus on the positive things in that are in your life right now. It doesn’t matter how small or big they are. People, events, things that surround you, achievements, quotes, songs…there is so much to manifest and draw your positive energy from.

The trick is not just to write down what you are grateful for, but to also write about how each thing makes you feel. What memories are evoked, what feelings you have welling up inside you. Focus on the here and now. Be brave an open your eyes. You may be feeling sorry for yourself. Be grateful for what you already have, no matter how minuscule it seems. You may be richer than you think!

So today I spent some time breathing and writing. I wrapped myself up in my largest and warmest winter cardigan. I popped on my fluffy Japanese house slippers and made myself a huge mug of milky hot chocolate with cinnamon. I sat myself down on our couch, lit all of the candles I had in the house and placed them on our Jarrah wood coffee table in front of me. I lent against a pile of soft white cushions and I wrote for over an hour in my journal about all of the things I am grateful for right now.

When I finally stopped I was amazed at how much I had written (3 pages!) and how much better I felt about myself and the world around me. If you are having a difficult time at the moment, or just feeling sad – this is such a good activity to try.

Create the space and time in your day to think. Surround yourself with some things that nurture you. Maybe pop on some music you love that inspires you. Sit yourself down in your garden or your favourite cafe. Treat yourself to a warm drink and some solid nurturing food, like fresh scones or biscuits. Now breathe. Look around you. What do you see? Who is in your world? What do you have? Focus on the good. Open yourself up to the blessings, great and small, that are in your life right now. Today.

Like me, you may find that your life is much fuller and richer than you first realised. You may find yourself feeling much more optimistic and happier than you thought!

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Are we having fun yet?

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I sat was sitting on the floor building a tower out of coloured plastic blocks. My one year old grandson kept picking up my carefully constructed towers, breaking them apart and throwing them on the floor again. Every time the blocks bounced against the floor boards he erupted into a fit of giggles. Apparently it was hysterical. Our whole afternoon had been like this. We had built things, chased each other on the floor, cuddled, sung at the tops of our voices, read books and made plenty of mess. In between we stopped to investigate the contents of the fridge for something to eat or take a breather for a bottle of milk.

There was no reporting, no stress, no goal to achieve by 5 pm. Just Cruz and I hanging out together. Just the two of us rolling around on the floor giggling.

I have to say it felt a bit weird at first. Like I was trying on someone else’s jacket.

It wasn’t that my six ‘to do lists’ had vanished. I had just given myself permission to step off the roller coaster for a day. And once I stopped thinking about all of my life goals and tasks, and stopped feeling guilty that I wasn’t diligently ticking them all off, I surrendered to the bliss. I sank into the present and I started to have fun.

Hmmm fun. Remember that?

We often talk about a rage of key factors that support a healthy lifestyle and positive mental health. Things like having our basic needs met; a home, good fresh food, exercise, education, access to medical care and some form of work where we can contribute are the foundations of a healthy lifestyle and a healthy human being.

We know we need to feel safe and connected. Having a sense of belonging to our families, friends and our community helps us to feel that we matter, that we have a purpose in life and a tribe that we not only care about but we belong to. When we give something back to our world, beyond our normal daily work, it boosts our own mental health and our connection and sense of belonging to the world we belong to expands.

I often talk about how acts of kindness have a way of benefiting you as the giver way more than the person or people on the receiving end. These things help us to stay positive, to seek the goodness in the world and to connect with like minded people in our community.

However one of the things that seems to be missing in the equation is having fun. It’s as if we have forgotten to enjoy ourselves. We are so busy ticking of the to do list or the bucket list or chasing our dreams that we have forgotten to stop and have fun. If we’re not having fun, what exactly are we living for?

Frankly it’s exhausting. I don’t know about you, but it seems like even though I am making my dreams happen, achieving a lot and ticking plenty of those boxes I’m often tired and grumpy…and oddly a little sad. There is something not quite right when you are looking forward to the weekend or a day off just so you can sleep. How un-sexy is that? Woohoo! A few extra hours in bed not being woken up by the alarm clock.

So, as I lay in the pirate tent with Cruz, snuggling with the pirate bunnies and teddies and singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with our hands in the air, I realised that I could learn a few important things from my little grandson.

  • Laugh. Loudly. And Often. Laugh as much as you can. Every single day. If you get to the end of the day and you haven’t had a good giggle, then make time to watch your favourite comedy or Youtube your favourite comedian. A day without laughter is pretty much a day wasted.
  • Be curious and explore. You don’t need to have everything sorted. You don’t need to know everything or have an opinion on everything either. Ask questions. Read. Talk with other people. In fact it’s much more fun when you haven’t got all the ducks lined up and you’re slightly out of control.
  • Step off the roller coaster (and the guilt) and breathe. Hang out in your garden…for hours. Step away from the housework, or the office. Lay on the floor and read all day. Hang out with people that make you giggle as often as possible. Go out with your girlfriends and do a cafe crawl (similar to a pub crawl but with coffee and cake!) and talk.
  • Watch how kids find the fun. Ever noticed how children instinctively seem to find the fun in almost everything they do? When the milk gets spilt all over the floor, it’s hysterical. When they fall over, they laugh. When it starts pouring with rain, they jump in the puddles instead of getting grumpy. When something supposedly goes wrong, or isn’t quite right try breathing and laughing instead of imploding.
  • Celebrate. Rock on. Party. Find reasons to celebrate with cupcakes. PUMP the music up and dance…yep even in your office. Sing loudly and often in your car. Party with your friends at least once a week. Party in your own way. Go out to that burlesque show, hit that Latin night club, find a cool and quirky cocktail bar, have a BBQ in your back yard, or organise a onesie sleepover with movies and pop corn at your place. However you party or celebrate make it happen! Enjoy your achievements. Enjoy having friends. Enjoy being here, right now.
  • Surround yourself with the ‘fun’ people. If you are struggling to wake up your funny bone, hunt down the people that always seem to be having the best time and enjoying their lives. Make them your mentors, or your role models. Watch what they do throughout the day and how they turn challenges into bliss.
  • Finally, give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to enjoy your life. Remember that life is pretty awesome when you are having fun.

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans…” Beautiful Boy, John Lennon

5 quick tiny tips to help you smile

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DAY 84

Some days we all feel sad. Perhaps we’re sick. Perhaps we are overworked and just plain tired. Sometimes shitty stuff can happen. It’s not the end of the world but it feels like everything is going wrong. Or perhaps something major has happened in your world and you are struggling to find the good.

So to help a little here are my 5 tiny tips to help you smile.

  • Call your best friend. The one who always makes you feel a bit better about yourself and the world around you. Even if you only have five minutes – call her.
  • Go for a 3 minute walk around the block or into your own garden. Get yourself outside in the sun or the snow and walk. Remind yourself about what is good in your world. In fact challenge yourself to find 10 things on your walk to make you smile. The next door neighbour’s cat. Little people walking in all their Winter gear. Flowers. Birds making nests. Sunshine on your face.
  • Find your favourite song right now. Pump up the music on your ipod and sing at the top of your lungs. Or just dance. Imagine that you are playing in the band and air-guitar the flip out of it!
  • Eat chocolate. Because there is never a time when chocolate can’t make you smile.
  • Hug it out. Hug your dog, your cat, your pet turtle. Hug your best friend or your partner. Hug your kids and your grandkids. Hug your blanket and your pillow. Be kind to yourself. It’s ok to feel a little down. Take a little time to nurture yourself and remind yourself of all of the beautiful people and animals (and fluffy toys) who love you back.

You’re in a good place.

It’s going to be ok.

“I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.”
― Paul Simon

 

A letter to 10 year old me

DAY 80

I watched this cute video from the folk at SoulPancake today. They often post things that make you think outside of the box.

So todays video was all about asking people to write a letter to their 10 year old versions of themselves. They didn’t tell them that they would ask them to share the letters after  they had written them, so people were pretty honest. There was a lot of advice about taking risks and not being frightened and plenty of encouragement, especially around making it through difficult times and things getting better.

I got to thinking, what would I have told my 10 year old self?

  • Don’t wish your red hair away, one day the same boys who tease you mercilessly for being a red head will love you.
  • Find what you love doing, and don’t give it up for anything ~ even if someone tells you that you can’t do it! Keep singing, keep dancing and don’t stop writing!

What stood out to me more though was how some of the things that I would tell my 10 year old self may be very similar to what I would still tell myself now.

  • Don’t be afraid to take risks. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just do it! You will learn so much more from riding that bike than just looking at it!
  • Spend time with the people you love. They won’t always be there to hug.
  • People are more important than money. Really.
  • Work is only one part of your life, so don’t spend every hour of your life working ~ unless you are running away from something…

Most of all, I think I would tell us both to choose to be happy. You may think this is easier said than done, but the research tells us that we are the architects of our own happiness. We choose how we react and respond to what happens around us. We choose to be happy or miserable. Every day.

So I thought I might leave you with a video from Nick Vujicic who is both inspirational and chooses to be happy. Every day.

Share It Forward Sunday!

I love Sundays.

Often my Sundays are full precious moments, like sleeping in, reading in bed, chatting over hot cups of tea, giggling on the couch, snuggling my Cuba and MiMi, bubble baths and date night with my husband. I love sharing the extraordinary things I find online as well. So many things touch my heart or inspire me to be part of creating a better world for all of us.

Sometimes though, it’s just about being simply happy…

100 Things to do when you’re upset: The Gala Darling Challenge

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DAY 78

In case you haven’t realised I really like a challenge.

I love the way they get me out of my own headspace, and basically stop me from being bored or lazy or just feeling sorry for myself. It’s one of the reasons I like training days, or attending workshops, or simply giving things a go. I am slightly addicted to testing myself, and questioning the status quo. My addiction has seen me standing on top of a gigantic tree with a flying fox, in spite of being petrified of heights; running on the sand for hours in the sun competing against another team, in spite of disliking sun and sports equally; taking up challenges like#100happydays and attending events such as otaku cons or Neko Nation just to meet new folk and broaden my world. It’s also a way to breathe some quirky, wild fun into my life!

This week I went back to work and felt like I had been hit with a sledge hammer. Within days I was dealing with last minute reports that had to be written for the Director within absurd timelines, staff issues coming out of my ears, deadlines being demanded and a ridiculous amount of emails to respond to. The hours were long and I struggled to find any joy. Yep, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I had also managed to stress my immune system out again by triggering another dose of chronic uticaria. Fun! I had tried the usual stuff: my favourite pink pyjamas, wine, talking with fiends, sleeping in that extra five minutes. But really I was down in the dumps big time! It happens to the most positive of us. There are times we all struggle to change our mindset, even if we have the tools. So I went back to my heros. The ones that will always give me something that reignites my heart, inspires me or just listens. I have a beautiful friend who brought me my favourite cup cake (red velvet sparkle) and just listened to me for 20 minutes while I sooked. I have a son who just seems to know when I need that extra hug or a text message telling me what a great mum I am. I have another beautiful friend who reminds me every day that I need to look after myself. He’s also very good at giving me books to read. I have a husband who adores me, and when I am flat lining he instinctively brings me hot cups of tea in my favourite mug and strokes my hair.

I also have role models who aren’t physically in my life and some are no longer walking this earth. But they are my go to people when I need a good pep talk: Richard Branson, Gala Darling, Danielle LaPorte, Eleanor Roosevelt, Audrey Hepburn and Brene Brown.

This morning as I hid under the doona feeling like a smacked kitten, I instinctively I looked up Gala’s Radical Self Love section. My mood needed some serious medicine, and she never fails to shift my perspective. While I was reading and journalling I came across one of her famous lists: 100 Things To Do When You’re Upset (The Sad Trombone List). I got to thinking, what would happen if I tried everything on her list? Everything. Even wearing a fake moustache for a day? I have never done or even thought of doing much of what is on her list. Ah, my addiction is piqued! So I have decided to take on the challenge. 

The challenge will be that every Saturday I will try at least one of the tips on Gala’s List. I’ve included the list to her site and list so you can follow along or take up the challenge yourself. I will document the task with photos, a small post or a video through Instagram and it will be posted on my DBM facebook page to follow. Some days I may be brave and try two, or three. But the challenge will be to try at least one!

Perhaps you might like to try it with me. 

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” 
― Chuck PalahniukInvisible Monsters

Much excite, many joy

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DAY 77

I have a cute and quirky friend, Katey,  who has an equally quirky way of telling the world about how happy she is. She often mixes up her verbs, nouns and adjectives. Instead of saying, “I’m really happy about this.” or ‘I’m having a lot of fun.” She will say “Ohhh much excite right now!” or, “This has given me many joy!” I can’t emulate her cute voice, but just the words being written in the wrong order, or out of context somehow makes me sit up and listen. I can’t even write the sentence without an exclamation mark, it carries so much emotion!

It got me thinking about how we can go about our daily lives and miss the extraordinary. How amazing things can become a bit ‘ho hum’ because we don’t acknowledge it. How we can miss the beauty of our world around us because we have forgotten somehow how to articulate it in a way that has meaning for us.

So how do we renew our passion and inspire ourselves? How do we jump start our hearts to see the richness and extraordinary moments and things in our lives?

Here’s 5 tips that may give you much excite and many joy!

  • Change your daily language to describe your emotions! You don’t have to do what my friend Katey does, but think about your go to words. I spent years saying, “that’s cool”, or “I love that”. Both words ended up loosing all meaning for me. They felt like dried out prunes. So something that really was cool was no longer really touching my heart. It gave me zero joy. Think about how we greet people every day with “How are you?” or “How’re you going?” the automatic answer is “Good thanks, and you?” After years of saying ‘good’ on auto pilot, it just rolls off our tongues like paper; dry and awkward.Try changing both the greeting and your answer. “It’s so good to see/meet you. How has your day been?” might elicit a different response. The other week I asked one of my sons this question and he said “Mum, I’m living the dream!” It’s hard not to have a conversation after this!!
  • Make a list of words that describe your feelings. Check out your words and their meaning on the dictionary online or my new favourite tool: visualthesaurus.com. Make sure that your words reflect who you are and what you feel. They should feel luscious and true when you say them. Put your top 5 words on a post it note and pop them in your diary so you see them every day. At the end of each day, I like to shift my post it note to the next day in my diary, so I see them every morning when I get to work. Or you could put them on your fridge, or bathroom mirror. Change your words up every week, or every month! It’s also a great way to expand your vocabulary.
  • Listen to your most inspirational role models. Who inspires you? Perhaps it is someone physically in your life like your mum or your best friend. A co-worker or a coach. Perhaps it’s someone you don’t know at all, a celebrity, a politician, a world leader? They could be dead or alive, it doesn’t matter. Focus on the things that they describe around them. How do they articulate the journey that they are in? They inspire you with both their words and their actions, so how do they communicate that with you in a way that makes you feel inspired to step up and be a better version of yourself. One of my many inspirational role models is Gala Darling. Her daily posts on both her facebook page and her website always make me think about who I want to be. When I have had a particularly shitty and disheartening day, she always draws me back to a place where I can find my own inner power and an acknowledgement that I am the decision maker in my life; I am the one who decides whether or not to fight. I am the one who chooses to love my self and to be happy.
  • Start with your heart. Your feelings are the most powerful drivers in your life. If your heart isn’t right , then your life will be a mess of spaghetti! If you haven’t already, do some work on your heart and your feelings. Who are you really? What are your go to feelings every day? What story do you tell yourself every day? How do you speak about yourself every day. What do you therefore see every day? If you are feeling like a complete waste of space, because the story in your head is that you were never wanted as a baby and nothing you can do will prove that you deserve to be on this earth, then you are likely to be telling yourself that you are powerless to change yourself and your experience of life. Your words will revolve around a deep inner sadness of abandonment and fear. Your expression of yourself will be full of pain. You will only see the grey mist. But if you can be brave and be honest about that one feeling that is driving your life and foundation story, and courageous enough to step up and change it, then you will change your existence. You might like to start with Gala’s Radical Self Love Project, or if you are feeling particularly brave today, try some Desire Mapping with Danielle LaPorte.
  • Try something different every single day for 30 Days. Write a list of 30 things that you think will bring you many joy. Don’t think big picture, just small every day things. Perhaps putting a bunch of flowers on your bedside table to wake up to every day because they remind you of love and make you feel like a goddess. Or perhaps small bunches of flowers everywhere you sit like your desk, your coffee table, your kitchen bench! Perhaps you could try a different morning drink, like a herbal tea because it makes you feel a little bit daring and adventurous. Maybe you could dress up in your favourite outfit to do the most mundane thing, like supermarket shopping, or going to work, or walking your dog because it makes you feel wicked and cheeky and happy! Put on false eyelashes, just because they make you feel glamorous. Buy a special pen because it feels exotic to write with. Write a card to your friend about how much you love and care for them because it makes you feel like a bloody good person. Eat one of your favourite childhood cereals for breakfast, even if it’s not too good for you because it connects you to your inner child and you feel palyful! What ever you do, think about how it makes you feel inside. Think about the words you are using to describe your experience. Do your words give your experience justice? Do they breathe life into the moment? If not, go on a quest to find that perfect word! Write it down and add it to your flourishing vocabulary!

Just a few of these things will not only change up the way you see and feel your daily experience, they will open up your heart and mind to the richness that is already present in your life. They will also open you up to new possibilities and opportunities.

Ah yes, much excite, many joy!

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

Born

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DAY 56

25th February, 2014

BORN

It was Spring when you arrived

A cool early morning

A team of nurses and surgeons brought you into the world

I was young and exhausted and delirious to have you finally in my arms

Your small head was pointy and sore and you screamed at the world around you

Such a little thing

Demanding so much attention

We loved you to sleep

We rocked you and held you until you knew we were there for you

And when you finally smiled it was a good day

We felt blessed through our sleepless nights

Completely thankful that you had chosen us to nurture you, to teach you how to make your way in the world

And as you thrived and grew and danced through the neighbourhood

We smiled with pride

We made you

We were responsible for the boy you had become

Such a lofty place to fall from, so high above, so far away

Such a big thing you have grown to be

So strong, so clever, so sick

We don’t smile so much any more

We step on egg shells and wonder where we went wrong

What did we not see

Did you not feel our love?

As you struggled and fought through the neighbourhood

Did you not realise we were proud of you?

As you left to be alone

It was Summer when we realised that we couldn’t help you,

A long dark evening stifled with heat

I am old and exhausted

But I am still delirious to have you in my arms.

Caz Espinoza, 25th February, 2014

“Remember, Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
― Stephen King

The Hungry Ghost

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DAY 52

21st February, 2014

A few weeks ago a good friend of mine suggested that I should read The Desire Map, by Danielle LaPorte. So I jumped on Amazon.com to check it out and ended up on Danielle’s website listening to a ‘sneak peak’ of her book. The Desire Map is an approach to planning your life using your core desired feelings as a driver to achieve your goals. Of course her work is so much more advanced than my own, but I was amazed to find my own feelings about our goals being driven by the strength of our passion being echoed in her words.

So, I bought the book and the CD to listen to in the car. Just a heads up, Danielle has one ‘hot mamma’ voice! I think I listened to the CD twice before I actually heard her words! Anyway, before doing any goal setting, or working through your core desired feelings, Danielle talks about identifying what you already have in your life. Who are you already? What are you grateful for and why? It’s an interesting thing to consider. Particularly when we invest so much time setting goals, striving to achieve the next big thing, or purchase the next ‘must have’ item on our bucket list. We are often left with a never ending, exhausting ‘to do’ list. We no sooner achieve that raise, or buy that car, and it’s replaced with another goal. I hadn’t considered that I may be approaching my life from the wrong angle. It seemed I was coming from a place of emptiness; a perpetual void that screamed to be fed. A hungry ghost.

The Buddhist’s believe the hungry ghost is not fully capable of living and appreciating what the moment has to offer. They are ever seeking to be fulfilled like an insatiable addict, never realising what they already have.

So today, as I sat in a crowded public hospital waiting room, waiting to see a specialist, I considered what I already have. It seemed as good a time as any, and far more preferable than feeling anxious and sorry for myself.

I pulled out my journal and wrote down the following:

I get to spend my life with a man who is beautiful, gentle and romantic. Every morning he tells me I am his beautiful girl, and how lucky he is to have me in his life and I feel loved and cherished. I have four crazy, determined, creative and talented sons and an equally determined and amazing daughter in law. I love that I am a part of their adult lives and that no matter what, we stick together, we fight for each other and we love each other to bits. I am blessed beyond belief with my grandson. A day singing lullabies and eating mashed banana feels like heaven on a stick and never fails to remind me of all the goodness and beauty in the world as he snuggles into my arms to sleep.

Every day I get to go to work in a sector that supports young people. Some days are heartbreaking, but I work with a vibrant team of people that I absolutely love, who are just as passionate as I am about making a difference in young peoples lives. I am also surrounded by some amazing and beautiful friends who are always there for a dance or a glass of wine…or with chocolate, or a care package…or at the other end of a midnight phone call when I need them.

And what about me?

As a human being?

Well I am lucky enough to have grown up in a part of the world where most of my needs are met. I am smart and creative. Sometimes I am cheeky. I get to ‘play’. A lot. I come with a small truck load of professional and personal skills, all based on the simple fact that I grew up in a country where girls are educated, university is affordable, healthcare is free, and wars have never been fought in my backyard.

The truth is, that in this world, I am one of the fortunate ones.

Which made me laugh at my hungry ghost. Right there in the hospital waiting room. My screaming hungry ghost was wrong it seemed. I wasn’t empty, needing to be filled. I wasn’t lacking. I wasn’t poor. I was rich. It seemed that I am already living a very full and abundant life.

When you start from a place of strength and gratefulness for what already exists, you approach your life and your plans from a very different place. Instead of crying for your empty void to be filled, you look for opportunities to add, to strengthen. You also shift from being a victim in your life, to being a creator of your life. You step up into a position of strength and purpose.

So what do you already have in your life that your hungry ghost prevents you from seeing and being grateful for?

“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite – only a sense of existence. Well, anything for variety. I am ready to try this for the next ten thousand years, and exhaust it. How sweet to think of! my extremities well charred, and my intellectual part too, so that there is no danger of worm or rot for a long while. My breath is sweet to me. O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.”