is for deep kisses

for wrapping your arms around someone who is precious

for adventures to places where the stars cover the sky

for real hot chocolate and freshly made cake to share


is for eating buckets of rich home made ice cream on a hot summer day

for sinking into a soft warm bed

for walking on squeaky white sand

and rambling conversations late into the night


is for swimming in crystal clear water

for ridiculous moments with dear friends

laughing until you cry and your stomach aches

for allowing your curiosity bring you to new lands

and dancing on the beach at dawn


is grieving for what you have lost

for sinking into endless despair thinking you may die from the pain

aching and screaming silently

but when the time comes getting back up anyway


is finding the place you belong

for singing loudly in hot showers

for burying yourself in the person you love beyond words

for strange moments that completely and utterly change everything

and being free

to come home.


Caz Espinoza, 7th May, 2014


It’s a new day


Day 32

Saturday, 1st February, 2014

“I choose to see, hear, and feel the GOOD, the BEAUTIFUL, the BEST, that lies before me, EVERY DAY this month.”

So it’s a new day and I am into the second month of the DBM project.

I may have tripped and fallen flat on my face yesterday, but I am determined to get up and try again.

That’s the deal. It’s not about being perfect all day every day. It’s about falling down and getting back up again, no matter how much you want to stay on the ground or give up and walk away.

No-one really wants to fail. No-one likes it when they realise they have made a mistake, or completely screwed up. Me too. But when we do make a mistake and fall over, we always have an opportunity if we take responsibility for ourselves, get back up and try again. Of course we can always choose to blame someone else and deny that we are in the wrong. That’s definitely one of the choices, and if you are addicted to the pseudo sense of power that this gives you while you lock yourself in your cage of anger and pain, then you may make this choice. I certainly have.

Or you may take responsibility for yourself, and look for the lesson to be learnt.

So today is a new day.

Today I am choosing to take responsibility for myself. It’s a tough gig. It doesn’t feel comfortable. But I promised to live this new life of integrity and I pledged to live as if everyone would be dead before midnight. And a promise is a promise, even if the lesson I am learning is tough, and means I am vulnerable.

So today I wrote this on my mirror in red lipstick:

Do more of what makes you awesome!

Stop playing small and bitter!

Forgive and be free!

“I am ready to be healed. I am willing to forgive. All is well.” Louise L Hay